


First Snow in December

by justjunhoes



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Break Up, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 18:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17269100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes
Summary: I'm sorry...please come back...





	First Snow in December

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. Because I set the setting in December, so we are celebrating Christmas again.

Birds are singing as early as 6.30 in the morning greeting Donghyuk from his slumber. He drags his body to the door, bringing his attention to the birds on the balcony. He smiles. He wishes he could be birds. Fly freely and enjoying the wind. He slowly pushes the door to feel the cold morning breeze.

“Oh…come back…”

He did not mean to startle the birds when he opens the door. The birds fly away with some finding new spot and some returning to his balcony.

“At least you come back…”

It’s the first day of snow. Everything is covered with white blanket. Snow reminds him of someone who he met during the first drop of snow on 3 years ago. Someone who he once cherishes, cares and loves the most but he ruined everything. You can buy everything but you can never buy love and time.

Snow like this makes him miss that special someone. That someone is Song Yunhyeong. He soiled the relationship. He made Yunhyeong cried. He made Yunhyeong walked away from his life without turning his back. And now he wishes Yunhyeong to come back.

 

_“I don’t want to go to work.” Donghyuk whines._

_“Don’t be a lazy bum.”_

_“I wanna cuddle with my baby.” Donghyuk pulls him closer to his chest._

_“Well…I wanna cuddle too but I can’t.”_

_“5 minutes.” Donghyuk kisses his forehead._

_“Alright.” Yunhyeong hugs him._

 

That was a year ago when they enjoyed each others’ company in the cold winter morning. If only he didn’t fuck up, he could still have Yunhyeong snuggling in his arms again. If only he appreciates Yunhyeong better, he would not be this sad and lonely. Maybe serves him right.

09:00AM

Donghyuk looks at the ring which was once has its owner.

 

_“This ring.” Donghyuk grabs Yunhyeong’s hand._

_“Uh?” Yunhyeong smiles shyly. “For me?”_

_“For you babe.” He pushes the ring on Yunhyeong’s finger. “Perfect!”_

_“You didn’t have to, you know…” Yunhyeong admires the man sitting next to him._

_“But I want to.” He smiles. “Happy 1 st   anniversary.” He kisses both Yunhyeong’s hands, feeling the warmth of the soft palms. _

_“Happy 1 st   anniversary.” Yunhyeong looks at the ring. “Hmmm…I got you nothing.” _

_“You are here with me. That’s all I need.” Donghyuk seals his lips with a kiss._

 

Now, he could only kiss the ring instead of its owner. He wishes he could turn back time and fixes everything before it was too late. He wishes.

He cries to sleep again when he looks at photos of Yunhyeong. Their memories are still fresh in his minds. How he could still hear Yunhyeong’s voice, laughs, nags and whines.

 

_“Kim Donghyuk. Are you kidding me?”_

_“Huh? What?” Donghyuk opens his eyes. He looks at Yunhyeong picking up his dirty clothes. “Uhhh…sorry…I’m still so tired.” He hides under the blanket._

_Before they moved in together, Yunhyeong would always went to his place especially on weekends. For someone like Yunhyeong who is allergic to mess and dirty stuffs, it was like a shocking thing for him to witness every week. Donghyuk covers his ears when Yunhyeong nags at him, making the latter nag even more. But all that was just to tease Yunhyeong._

_“These are like one week clothes. I swear.” Yunhyeong shakes his head. He gasps loudly._

_“What’s wrong?” He quickly gets up._

_“Nothing. Just to wake you up.” Yunhyeong chuckles._

_“Song Yunhyeong! You!” He lifts Yunhyeong, holding his waist tightly as he spins._

_Their laughter fills the room on a Saturday morning. Yunhyeong nuzzles against his neck, telling him that he loves this spot and loves his scent._

_“But I haven’t bathed.”_

_“Don’t care. You smell good.” Yunhyeong murmurs._

 

~~~

 

“Here’s the birthday cake that you ordered earlier.” Yunhyeong shows the cake to his customer.

“Nice! Love it. Thank you. I hope my boyfriend loves this.”

He looks at her. “I’m sure he will.” He packs the cake in its box then tapes the knife together with the candles. “Here you go…and happy birthday to him.” He smiles widely. “Please come again.

“Thank you and sure. Definitely.” The customer leaves his shop.

Yunhyeong stares at the other cakes put on display. Cakes often signifies celebration of happiness; weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and congratulatory purposes. Cakes remind him of happy times he used to share with a certain someone named Kim Donghyuk.

 

_“Happy birthday!” Donghyuk hugs him from behind._

_“Huh? Wait. It’s my birthday?”_

_“Come on babe. It is your birthday. I put it on calendar to remind me the day God sent you to earth.” He takes his phone out. “Here. Today is 8 th   of February. Your birthday.” _

_Yunhyeong’s mouth is left hanging. He has been busy for the past few weeks that he doesn’t even know the dates. He looks at Donghyuk apologetically._

_“I’m sorry. Wow. I don’t even remember my birthday. I don’t know what date is today.” Yunhyeong cries almost immediately._

_“Baby. Baby… no. Please don’t cry.” Donghyuk kneels in front of him. “Baby… ah. You look beautiful when you cry but I want to see that smile.” He wipes the tears away._

_Yunhyeong chuckles. He holds Donghyuk’s hands tightly. “Thank you…for reminding me that I was born on this date.”_

_“Don’t mention it. Boyfriend duty…done.” Donghyuk kisses his forehead. “Now. Make a wish.” He lights up the candle._

_‘I already got my wish.’ Yunhyeong looks at the cake. “Done.” He blows the candle._

_“Yay! Happy birthday! Hmmm…I got you a present but I think I need to buy another one.”_

_“Huh? No need. No need to spoil me so much.” Yunhyeong cuts the cake._

_“But you really need this.” Donghyuk tries not to laugh. “A planner…”_

_“Yah!” Yunhyeong smears Donghyuk’s cheeks with the frosting. He giggles as he licks the frosting off of his cheeks._

_“Can I get more?” Donghyuk smirks._

_“No.” Yunhyeong eats the cake by himself. He glances at his boyfriend pouting and whining for another lick. “Gosh. You are not ice-cream.” He teases._

_But that night, Yunhyeong does more than just lick and he gets some too._

__

“Are you okay?”

Yunhyeong turns to look at his staff. “Ya I’m okay, Joon…just…I remember something.”

Joon gives a warm smile. “Ahhh…we all have one of those days. It is okay to remember something or someone.” He puts the freshly baked bread on the shelf.

“You are right.” He looks at the cakes on display.

“Is there someone on your mind?” Joon looks at him. “Oh no. I sound very busy body.” He chuckles.

Yunhyeong laughs with him. “You are just curious. It’s okay.” He pauses. “Yes, there is someone on my mind.”

“Is this the reason you haven’t dated? I mean… I’ve worked here for like uhhh… 3 months? I never see you going on dates and all that. For someone who is attractive as you and very kind, there’s no way you don’t date.” Joon finally tells what is on his mind for these few weeks.

“Hey calm down there, Joon.” Yunhyeong’s mind is thinking of that someone. “Not everyone can date easily.”

“Ya. Just a thought.” Joon giggles. “Okay back to work.”

 

_“Okay back to work.”_

_“Really Donghyuk? Really?” Yunhyeong can’t hold back his tears any longer._

_“Look. I’m busy. We can meet at home later.” Donghyuk focuses on his work again._

_“But you are rarely home these days.”_

_Yunhyeong’s shaky voice distracts him from his work for a second. He sighs. He looks straight at Yunhyeong. “Come on Song Yunhyeong. I told you I’ve been busy. There’s so much work to do.”_

_“Yes. I know. Work could never finish, baby… but please… I-”_

_“Damn it Yunhyeong. Can we talk about this later? You are distracting me.” Donghyuk shakes his head. “I’m busy. Really busy. I will see you at home okay.”_

_Yunhyeong wipes his tears. He doesn’t understand what is making Donghyuk so busy. He thought Donghyuk was cheating on him but he found nothing. Either Donghyuk is really good at hiding this or he never cheats, Yunhyeong doesn’t know. Donghyuk is rarely home and rarely spends time with him._

_He doesn’t feel the same love he felt before. Less attention, less affection from Donghyuk hurts him. He wonders if he is lacking or had done something wrong but he doesn’t know. He wishes to talk but he could only wish._

_“Okay…see you.” Yunhyeong whispers. He drags himself out from the studio. “Please look at me…” He stands at the door, hoping Donghyuk would call him back but it stays as just hope._

_And he waits…he waits some more till he falls asleep alone without Donghyuk at his side._

 

Yunhyeong locks the door. He declines the invitation from his boys and girls to go for some drinking. It’s the first day of snow. He wants to take photos and maybe play with the snow all by himself.

First day of snow. He remembers he met Donghyuk on the first day of snow 3 years ago. He saw Donghyuk at a playground with a little child. Part of him just crushed, thinking that Donghyuk was a married man but it turned out that he was just babysitting.

 

_“No. No. This is my friend’s son. He is out of town so I volunteered to take care of the child.” Donghyuk looks at the child. “Yoon Dohyun! Don’t jump.”_

_“Okieeeee” Dohyun giggles._

_“That’s very sweet of you to volunteer.”_

_Donghyuk knows Yunhyeong is curious. “My friend lost his wife in a tragic accident and uhh…he’s been struggling to live and to take care of a child.” He pauses. “Come here.” He rubs the dirt off. “So I’ve been helping. He goes to find a better job so he could support his son. His current job almost made him to take his own life.”_

_“You are so kind.” Yunhyeong admires him. “The kid is so cute.” He timidly waves at Dohyun and the boy waves back._

_“Is he your friend?” Dohyun gets on Donghyuk’s lap._

_“Yes. Yes. My friend. Err…say hi to him.”_

_“Hello.” Dohyun bows his head. “I’m Yoon Dohyun.”_

_“Hello Dohyun. You are so cute. I’m Song Yunhyeong.”_

_“And I’m Kim Donghyuk.”_

_“I know your name already.” Dohyun squeezes his cheeks._

_“I still want to introduce my name.” Donghyuk glances at Yunhyeong._

_They talk some more as they play with the child. Passersby probably think they are a couple considering how Dohyun seems to fond Yunhyeong so much and Yunhyeong is good with the kid._

_“Do you want hot potato?”_

_“Yes.” Both of them answer together._

_“But I was actually asking Dohyun.” Yunhyeong chuckles. “Okay okay. Hot potato for the small baby and big baby.”_

_“Oh…it’s snowing again.” Donghyuk takes his glove off, trying to catch the snowflakes._

_“Pretty…” Yunhyeong is actually referring to Donghyuk’s fingers._

_“It is.” Donghyuk glances at him._

_They spend the night together with Dohyun, enjoying the hot potato and getting to know each other more. Also not forgetting to exchange phone number. It was the start of their friendship._

 

~~~

 

“Merry Christmas!”

Donghyuk smiles at the salesperson. “You are always full of Christmas spirit huh. We have like 2 weeks to Christmas.”

“Well, it’s never early for Christmas spirit!” Jiyeon shows her gummy smile.

Donghyuk can’t remember when was the last time he was as happy as Jiyeon. She is always so cheerful and keeps smiling no matter if the world is crushing on her. She’s so positive and bright. Somehow, she reminds him of Yunhyeong.

 

__“_ Come on, baby. It’s Christmas!” Yunhyeong announces. _

_“It’s 1 st   December.” Donghyuk crawls out of bed. _

_Yunhyeong is wearing the Santa hat as he tries the Santa outfit. He loves Christmas. He loves the joy of celebrating Christmas, he loves watching kids getting their presents and loves seeing kids still believing in Santa. He loves the idea of making people smile even with just giving a candy._

_Donghyuk feels warm seeing Yunhyeong’s beautiful smile on days like this._

_“I can’t wait to decorate the Christmas tree.”_

_“Baby…it’s 1 st   December.” Donghyuk decides to tease him. _

_“So?” Yunhyeong approaches him. “Better start early. We don’t have pets to run over the tree.”_

_“But…I have you and you have me. We could knock down the tree when we make love.” His hands squeezes Yunhyeong’s peach._

_“Shut it.” Yunhyeong pushes him to the bed._

_“Ohh…getting ready?”_

_“Maybe…”_

_Donghyuk licks his lips when he sees Yunhyeong’s beautiful skin. He scans from top to bottom, admiring the man who strips naked for him. So someone has already prepared under the Santa outfit._

_“Hmmm…you have been a very naughty boy. You won’t make it to Santa’s list.” Donghyuk pulls him closer. “Lay on your stomach.”_

_Yunhyeong obliges. He positions himself slowly on Donghyuk’s delicious thighs._

_“Naughty boy needs some spanking.”_

 

The sound of the bells bring him back to the present. He could hear Jiyeon greets the customer, again with that cheerful voice. He then hears a familiar voice. No. That can’t be him. He hides behind tall shelf to peek at the owner of voice.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine…uhhh…Jiyeon?” Yunhyeong reads the name tag. “Sorry. I haven’t been here for months. I probably forget names.”

“That’s okay.” Jiyeon smiles. “Please look around. Get in that Christmas spirit already!” She rings the bell. “Hi welcome!” She greets other customer.

__It really is him._ _

Donghyuk looks at Yunhyeong from far. The man looks his best, all smiling with blonde hair underneath the cap. He still looks beautiful as Donghyuk could remember. The urge to run towards Yunhyeong and hugs him tightly is so strong. He could have hugged Yunhyeong right now if he didn’t ruin their relationship.

His cheeks are wet from the tears. He didn’t realize he is crying until a little kid tells him.

“Oppa…why are you crying?”

“Uh…Oh!” Donghyuk looks at the little girl. He quickly wipes his tears. “I uhh…I remember someone.”

“Is that someone still alive?”

“Yes. He is still alive…” He glances around, looking for Yunhyeong but the shop is too big for a human eye to see.

“Then why don’t you talk to him and meet him? It’s Christmas soon. There’s always miracle.”

Donghyuk rubs her head. Cute little girl, he thinks to himself. “So…you believe in miracle?”

She nods. “I believe in anything that makes him happy like pizza delivery man. He makes me happy. So if that person makes you happy then you should find that miracle and make it a reality.”

He is impressed with the little girl’s speech. “But what if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“Have you tried?” She looks at him. “Maybe I should give some motivation. Here.” She grabs Donghyuk’s hand as she places a lollipop on his rough palm.

“There you are, Sooyoung. Oh. Is she bothering you?”

“Uhhh no. Not at all.” He looks at the woman who he believes to be her mother. “Thanks for the lollipop, Sooyoung.” He waves at her.

“Say bye bye to oppa. Bye.”

“Bye oppa!” Sooyoung waves her hand.

He waves at the little girl one last time. Her words keep ringing his mind. Miracle. He doesn't believe in miracle but the little girl earlier makes him want to find the miracle for himself. He wants to find Yunhyeong in this shop but he knows he himself isn’t ready to meet the man he loves. He leaves the shop after getting his stuffs then he strolls towards his favourite street food stall. 

"Hello..."

“Hello ahjumma.” He bows his head.

“The usual?”

Donghyuk nods. He waits for his hot spicy noodles.

 

_“Are you sure you can eat this?” Yunhyeong looks at him._

_“I’m not like your friend Chanwoo. I can eat spicy food.” Donghyuk drinks the soup._

_But that night, Donghyuk has to ‘sleep’ in the toilet. T he noodle was spicier than usual. Even the ahjumma told him many times but he didn’t listen. Served him right._

_“I should buy medicine for you.” Yunhyeong tries not to laugh. H e pities his boyfriend’s constant trip to the toilet._

_“No….don’t leave me alone. Aghhh I’m so tired and my butt is aching.” Donghyuk curls on the couch._

_Yunhyeong notices Donghyuk finally able to fall asleep. Poor guy must have suffered enough with all these toilet visits. H e dials for his mother, asking for any remedy for stomachache._

_“Uhhhh…good morning.” Donghyuk drags his body. He feels tired from all the diarrhea last night. “Okay before you tell me-”_

_“Told you so.” Yunhyeong teases. “Aigoo don’t make that face.” He hugs him from the back, pressing his lips on his cheek. “Eat.”_

_“Hmmm. Come here.” Donghyuk pulls him onto his lap. “Feed me. I’m sick remember?”_

_“Really? Are you?” Yunhyeong chuckles. He feeds Donghyuk carefully. “See. Y ou should have listened to the ahjumma…and me.”_

_“Okay baby. Okay. Geez. S top nagging.” Donghyuk laughs after earning a light punch to his chest._

“The soup is spicy.”

Donghyuk looks at the ahjumma. He nods. “Thanks for reminding me. I won’t drink the soup till the last drop.” He chuckles.

“I must always remind you.” She shakes her head. “For you.” She places a bottle of Soju on the table.

He thanked her before he slurps the hot noodle, dipping some with the spicy soup. Hot spicy food like this is perfect for such cold weather. Not only food, but the comfort and warmth of your loved ones’ arms around him is also perfect in this weather.

Hugs.

 

_“It’s like 2 degrees now.” Yunhyeong crawls onto the bed._

_“Nope…it’s minus 15. The coldest day of the month, it seems.” Donghyuk looks at him. “Come here.” He pulls Yunhyeong closer to his chest._

_“So so so cold.”_

_“Hmmm…let’s keep each other warm.”_

_Donghyuk giggles when he feels Yunhyeong’s hands touching his back under his shirt. Yunhyeong keeps rubbing his back with his finger, drawing random things on his back with his face buries on his chest. Donghyuk smiles looking at the elder man._

_“You are so cute.” He whispers._

_“I’m not…” Yunhyeong mumbles._

_“You are…” He wraps his arms gently around Yunhyeong’s waist. “Hmmm…who needs heater when we have each other?”_

_“No. We still need heater.” Yunhyeong wriggles his body to escape from Donghyuk’s firm hug._

_“Hey, where you wanna go?”_

_“To turn on the heater. Ahhh Kim Donghyuk. You really.” Yunhyeong laughs. “Yah. It tickles.”_

_Donghyuk loves listening to Yunhyeong’s laugh. It sounds like the best music to his ears. He then hugs Yunhyeong’s waist tightly, being the bigger spoon as always._

_“Donghyuk…” Yunhyeong rubs his palm._

_“Hmmm what is it?”_

_“Stay like this forever?”_

_Donghyuk nods. “Forever.”_

_Forever._

__~~~_ _

 

Yunhyeong brings a tray of croissant fresh out of the oven. He arranges them carefully while engaging with the customers. All smiles and happy feels surround his shop, he feels calm and happy too. Though these smiles and laughter suddenly bring back to a memory he shared with Donghyuk…

 

_“This is nice. Finally… a short getaway for both of us.” Donghyuk swims closer to Yunhyeong._

_“I know. Finally…” Yunhyeong puts his hands on Donghyuk’s shoulder. “You like the place?”_

_Donghyuk nods. “It’s perfect and this indoor pool? Nice!”_

_“Hmmm…really nice.” He kisses his lips._

_Donghyuk smiles as he kisses his lips softly. Yunhyeong parts his lips, allowing Donghyuk to taste his mouth as they deepen their kiss with his arms drape around Donghyuk’s neck._

_“Nice…really nice…” Donghyuk whispers as he slowly breaks away from the kiss._

_“Uhh…” Yunhyeong presses his lips on Donghyuk’s shoulder. “More?”_

_“No. No. Not okay!” Donghyuk coughs._

_“Yah, Kim Donghyuk. Don’t ever suggest that again.” He slowly gets out from the pool._

_They tried to kiss underwater. It went well for a few seconds but it felt awkward when Donghyuk almost choked. He glances at Yunhyeong, nods in agreement. The image of kissing underwater that he had on his mind was different that what just happened._

_“Just kiss me here.” Yunhyeong runs his fingers through his wet hair._

_“Here?” Donghyuk kisses his thighs softly._

_“Stop. That tickles.” He bites his lips. He watches Donghyuk moves closer between his thighs._

_“Here?”_

_“Donghyuk.” He notices Donghyuk’s eyes are on his hard member. He couldn’t hide it and the swimming trunk is not helping. “Naughty.”_

_“Am I?” He traces the outline of Yunhyeong’s dick with his fingers through his swimming trunk. “I guess I am…”_

_“Dong…” Yunhyeong tries not to moan too soon._

_But their sexy time was cut short when Donghyuk suddenly sneezes with Yunhyeong’s laugh echoes the swimming pool area. He helps the younger man to the bed, calming him down because he is still in the mood for some sexy time._

_“I want…” Donghyuk sneezes again. “You. Aghhh… you are right. No more kissing underwater. This sucks.”_

_Yunhyeong can’t help but to laugh. “You’ll be okay soon. Maybe because the water got into your nose.” He slowly lays down next to him._

_“I still want to do you.”_

_“Kim Donghyuk.” He pushes the man away._

_“Okay. Okay.” Donghyuk laughs. “Okay. Rest first then do you.”_

_“Is that all you can think of?” Yunhyeong rolls his eyes. “Then hopefully you’d be fine tomorrow morning because I miss…” He blushes._

_“Miss what?”_

_He buries his face against Donghyuk’s neck, suddenly too embarrassed to tell the man. “You know…” He murmurs._

_Yunhyeong’s hot breath against his neck makes him excited. If only he is not sneezing, he would have Yunhyeong on his knees already. He looks at Yunhyeong with a smile on his face when he hears his soft snore._

_“Wait. So who is not feeling well now?” He chuckles. “Sleep well.”_

 

“Ohhh…the almond with chocolate bun? I’m sorry but you have to wait for another…” Joon looks at his watch. “15 minutes.”

“15 minutes? Hmmm…then okay. Let me get something to drink first.”

Yunhyeong quickly dip his head towards the sound of the familiar voice. He couldn’t believe who he is seeing right now. It’s him. He tries to hide.

“Ellis, come take my place at the counter.”

“Uhhh…sure. But wait let me bring these tray back inside.”

“That’s okay. Leave them to me.” He takes the trays from her hands.

“Oh. Okay then.” Ellis makes herself looks presentable to station at the cashier. “Hi.” She greets the customer.

“Look. My boss can recommend you the best drink.” Joon leads Donghyuk to the counter. “Wait. Where is Mr Song?”

“Mr Song went inside. He was suddenly rushing.”

“Ohhh…” Joon is curious. “Well, never mind. I can recommend you something.”

“You said…Mr Song?”

“Yes. Our beloved boss, Mr Song Yunhyeong.” Joon smiles proudly. “But ever since the first drop of snow, he looks so sad. Wait. I shouldn’t be gossiping about my boss.” He chuckles. 

“Song Yunhyeong…” Donghyuk whispers. His eyes catch a photo frame of Yunhyeong in front of this bakery shop.

His dream comes true.

 

_“I don’t think I want to work here forever. Corporate world is so boring.” Yunhyeong looks at him._

_“It really is. I told you. Good thing I was never interested in this world. Music over everything else.” Donghyuk leans against the bench. “Eat.”_

_Being a music producer is a fun job for Donghyuk because it has always been his dream. Still, he wishes to keep lowkey by using an alias and have his face remain unknown. He wants to fly free without cameras and paparazzi chasing to write things that he doesn’t want to see._

_“Hmmm…when I have enough money, I will quit this boring job then go for my dream.” He feeds himself with the kimchi fried rice that Donghyuk prepared._

_“You know you can ask for loan and stuff like that.”_

_“Yea…ughh…I can’t wait. I feel like drafting my resignation letter now.”_

_Donghyuk smiles. “So…what is your dream?”_

_“To open a bakery shop with a cafe.”_

 

Donghyuk can’t believe he is standing in the bakery shop with a cafe at the side owned by Song Yunhyeong. He is proud. Yunhyeong really pursue his dream. They broke up about 7 months ago. This shop seems new. Guess Yunhyeong moves on quickly.

He wants to see Yunhyeong badly but knows Yunhyeong doesn’t want to see him. He knows Yunhyeong is avoiding him. He plans to stay at the shop until he sees Yunhyeong but he knows that won’t work.

“Thanks for the recommendation. The drink was great and the cake was soft.” He smiles to Ellis.

“No problem. Please come here again.”

“I’ll definitely come here again.” He glances around with a slight hope to see Yunhyeong showing himself in front of him but he sees no one.

“I’m sorry…but I don’t want to meet you yet.” Yunhyeong hides in his office as he monitors the CCTV. He watches Donghyuk walking so slowly, obviously waiting for him.

“I’m still scared…” Yunhyeong looks outside the window.

~~“I’m sorry…please come back….”~~ ~~~~

 

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…please come back.”_

_“No. I’ve made up my mind, Kim Donghyuk.” Yunhyeong folds his arms. It hurts. He has been crying for days that he now has to wear shades to hide his puffy eyes._

_“I….I never…I didn’t…” Donghyuk has no words to say. He doesn’t have anything to explain._

_“Enough. I heard enough.”_

_Donghyuk fell out of love which is why he had been ignoring Yunhyeong for these past few months. He ignored Yunhyeong’s presence, texts and calls. They started to sleep in separate rooms and sometimes, Donghyuk didn’t even come home._

_Plus, lately Donghyuk feels insecure. Insecure into thinking that Yunhyeong deserves someone better. With a person named Kim Hanbin suddenly came into their life, Donghyuk feels even more insecure. Hanbin seems to fond Yunhyeong, seems to know how to take care of Yunhyeong, even knows how to make Yunhyeong laugh and smile._

_He feels lacking. So he started to ignore Yunhyeong, giving him the cold shoulder. He told himself that he should stop loving Yunhyeong already. He kept convincing himself and he managed to do so. There was no love, no spark between them._

_He stops caring about Yunhyeong. The elder man tried to reach him but he shut him down. He made Yunhyeong wonder what gone wrong when he knows the latter is sensitive but he ignored that._

_The image of Hanbin comforting Yunhyeong haunted him. That made him believe that there was no point to keep loving Yunhyeong and how the man deserves someone better than him._

_But he was wrong. He was wrong about everything, especially about Hanbin. He was wrong. It was too late already. They finally met again after 3 weeks of moving out from their once shared apartment._

_Yunhyeong puts his ring on the table._

_“This…really is it?” Donghyuk’s teary eyes blur his vision._

_“Yes. I’ve made up my mind. I gave you all my heart and my love to you but…you…” Yunhyeong takes a deep breath. “It is hard for me. I never get to know what I did wrong but…I don’t want to know now because I feel like I did nothing wrong.” His voice is shaky. He hates how he cries easily._

_“But…Yunhyeong…we can fix this.”_

_“No.” Yunhyeong gets up. “Goodbye Kim Donghyuk. I know we will meet again. This city isn’t that huge. I hope you’ll be happy. Goodbye…”_

_Donghyuk hopes Yunhyeong would turn around to look at him but the man just walks away. He really blew it. He didn’t even make the effort to talk with Yunhyeong when the latter kept asking. Yunhyeong had been trying to save their relationship but his insecurity was too strong that he doubted himself and Yunhyeong._

_It really hits him._

_Yunhyeong left and it was all because of him._

 

“I still love you. It is so hard to get rid of you from my mind.” Yunhyeong looks at his photos with Donghyuk. “It’s been…7 months…everything seems so fresh.”

Meanwhile, Donghyuk waits in his car a few blocks from Yunhyeong’s bakery shop. He almost dozes off.

“No. Come on Kim Donghyuk. Don’t fall asleep.” He slaps his cheeks.

But he fall asleep soon after.

“Whose car is that? Did the owner forget to switch the light off? The battery could wear out.” Yunhyeong slowly approaches the car.

He sees a sleeping Donghyuk with window opened and radio still plays some soft, R&B songs, just the type of song that Donghyuk loves. He pities the man. Slowly, he supports Donghyuk’s body as he opens the door to switch the engine off. He is reminded of another memory.

 

_“You are so drunk.” Yunhyeong puts Donghyuk’s arm on his shoulder._

_“No…..no…..I am not…….not drunkkkkk…..”_

_Donghyuk went to the opening party of a dance studio owned by his friend named Kwon. Yunhyeong accompanied him because he knew Donghyuk was going to have so much fun. Plus, it’s been some time since the last time Donghyuk had a drink._

_Perhaps, Yunhyeong should have stopped him when he was at his 10 th   shot. _

_“Gosh. If someone throws a match to you, maybe you could burn yourself.” He shakes his head._

_“Uhhh….who are you and why you keep nagging? My head hurts. Please stop…” Donghyuk mumbles some more gibberish words._

_Yunhyeong chuckles. Thankfully, they parked their car nearby. He puts Donghyuk at the back seat then drives back home._

_“Who are you….where is my boyfriend? My boyfriend…ahhh…you look so handsome. I hope my boyfriend won’t be jealous.”_

_Yunhyeong glances at him. “Sshhh. Just sleep okay.”_

_“Tell my boyfriend…I love him…”_

_“I love you too…” Yunhyeong smiles. “Silly.”_

 

Yunhyeong finally reaches his apartment. Donghyuk still shows no sign of waking up yet. He puts pillows and blanket for Donghyuk. Memory…

 

_“I’m fine.”_

_“No you are not. You look like…uhhh…anyway, your eyes are red. Please rest.”_

_“No…” Donghyuk plops to the bed again. “Okay I guess I’m not fine.”_

_The high fever is killing him. He could barely open his eyes. He hates how he has to stay motionless on bed for almost all the time. But he is lucky to have Yunhyeong by his side._

_“Time for shower. Don’t worry. I’ll just wet your body here.” Yunhyeong kisses his forehead. “Uh so warm. I could cook egg on your forehead.”_

_He chuckles. “Ahhh…but you know you like your eggs cooked in other way.”_

_“Oh my God Kim Donghyuk. Even at times like this.” He slaps him playfully._

_“What?” Donghyuk coughs. “Anyway thanks babe. Good thing it is Saturday.”_

_“Ya…which means I’m gonna nag at you until you eat and take the medicines.”_

_“Okay go to work. Do some overtime.”_

_Both of them laugh together. They spend the weekend together, clutching tightly on bed with Yunhyeong babying him just because he is sick. But he enjoys being in the comfort of Yunhyeong’s arms as much as Yunhyeong enjoys hugging his warm body, preparing meals for him and sings lullaby till he falls asleep._

_Good times._

 

Donghyuk realizes he is not on his car at this moment as he finally wakes up. He looks around to an unfamiliar bedroom. His neck aches a little but with the pillows, he must have slept well.

“You are awake…”

Donghyuk has his tongue tied. He just looks at a figure standing by the door. He groans a bit when the lamp is switched on, piercing his eyes.

“Yunhyeong!” He almost runs towards the man so he could hug him but he remembers his place.

“You fell asleep. I don’t want you to waste your car battery.”

“You could have wake me up.” Donghyuk sits at the edge of the bed.

“I know…but…”

“You don’t like to disturb me when I sleep. I know…” He almost whispers.

These damn memories again. Donghyuk stares at the floor.

“Well…uhhh…thanks. I should get going.”

“Okay…” Yunhyeong looks at him.

They stand facing each other but avoiding eye contact. Yunhyeong feels the close proximity between him and Donghyuk. He feels suffocated but longing. Longing for Donghyuk’s hugs and kisses. Neither of them say a word.

“Dong-” Yunhyeong looks at him when Donghyuk says his name at the same time too.

Donghyuk sighs. “Look…I…wanted to see you…”

“Okay…”

“I’ve missed you.”

 

_“I’ve missed you.”_

_“But you never showed it. You are always busy with work. You are hardly home. Why? Did I do something?”_

_“No. You did nothing. I’m just…busy.”_

_“Enough, Kim Donghyuk. If you have missed me, you should be home with me…on bed with me…wake up next to me everyday. But no. You sleep on the couch and leave home early. You stopped giving me attention and affection. Why?”_

_Donghyuk sighs. Even he doesn’t know what goes in his mind. Besides the fact that his ego is too high to admit that he was wrong for assuming Yunhyeong and Hanbin’s relationship, prior that he has been distancing himself from Yunhyeong._

_Insecure. Yes. One day he woke up and he felt that Yunhyeong is too good to be true. With a face like that and a heart of gold, Donghyuk feels like a schlep when he walked with Yunhyeong on that one particular day. He was gloomy, Yunhyeong was cheery._

_That was when he decided to distant himself. He tried to get rid of Yunhyeong from his mind. He thought it was easy. He denied his own heart. But he meets Yunhyeong one week after they broke up._

_“I…I have no answer to that.”_

_“Of course. Why am I not surprised?” Yunhyeong holds back his tears. “Well…I hope he won’t stumble upon each other anymore. Stop calling me. Stop trying to see me at the office. Goodbye…”_

_Once again, his coward self just watches Yunhyeong walks away and he does nothing to chase the man._

 

“I know you are sick of these words.” Donghyuk leans against the door. He looks at Yunhyeong. Wasted. He is stupid. He wants to hug Yunhyeong tightly now.

“Because you never proved it.” Yunhyeong finally has the courage to return his gaze. “I’ve always missed you, Donghyuk. There is never a day I stop thinking about you.”

“Me too. Me too, Yunhyeong. Especially times like this…winter…” His hands are trembling. Not because of the cold winter but because he is afraid, afraid that his words could hurt Yunhyeong.

“I thought I would hate snow because snow reminds me of you but I can’t. I love the snow. It brings me so much memories…and you…”

“But why did you run away?” Donghyuk looks at the confused Yunhyeong. “At the shop earlier. I saw you…but suddenly your staff took your place at the cashier.”

“I wasn’t ready.”

“Are you ready now? That’s why you-”

“No.” Yunhyeong looks into his eyes.

There is that silence again. The room suddenly turns dark.

“Blackout.” Yunhyeong leaves for the kitchen to find a candle and torchlight. “I cooked something. You should eat a bit. You were freezing in the car earlier and now this blackout….we can’t even use heater.”

No answer.

Donghyuk had left the house. He couldn’t stay there any longer. The man still cares so much for him, still misses him but he feels like a wall separating them. He tries to breach the wall but it feels as though the wall rebuilds itself.

_Song Yunhyeong, I’m sorry…._

Yunhyeong stands there in the middle of his living room. Confused. If Donghyuk wanted to see him then why did he suddenly leave? What was that all about?

“Kim Donghyuk…please…what are you doing?” He sobs, flipping through photos of them.

And he cries himself to sleep, just like the day he ended his relationship with Donghyuk. Only tears comfort him again.

 

Christmas eve.

Yunhyeong decides to go out tonight. This Christmas doesn’t feel the same. Memories. These damn memories again.

 

_“You look so handsome in the sweater.”_

_“Thanks. You sure know how to choose.” Donghyuk kisses his forehead. “And you too…I love the vest on you.”_

_“I don’t really wear vest but I guess this is an exception.” Yunhyeong hugs his waist. “Thank you.”_

_They just reached home from church. Donghyuk wondered why Yunhyeong took so long in the confessional only to find out he was chit-chatting with the Priest after his confession. Then they stopped by the hospital to make sure the gifts they collected from the charity drive had really reached the patients._

_“You cooked so much for the two of us.”_

_“It’s just turkey.” Yunhyeong looks at him. “Okay…maybe I cooked…more but that’s okay. We can keep the leftover and eat them tomorrow.”_

_Donghyuk smiles. He appreciates Yunhyeong’s cooking for their Christmas eve when the man had been sick few days before. He thanked him with a kiss on his lips._

_“Wine.” He pours the white wine into the glass. “A toast…for my lovely boyfriend right here. For another great year with you, another Christmas with you. Merry Christmas.”_

_Yunhyeong raises his glass. “Merry Christmas. Thanks for loving me and being here with me. Hope for another Christmas with you again.”_

_They spend the eve with some movies which ends up with movies ‘watching’ them instead. The night is filled with some laughs, cuddles with Yunhyeong throwing dad jokes and Donghyuk shutting him up with his mouth._

 

“Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas.” Yunhyeong smiles at his landlady.

“You hardly smile these days. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay…” He squeezes her hands softly.

“Please smile, Yunhyeong. You have a beautiful smile, do you know that?”

He smiles for her. She is like a mother to him. So kind and generous. She cooks for him sometimes so he won’t feel sad about missing home. She invites him for a feast tomorrow which he immediately agrees. He doesn’t have the heart to let her down.

As he walks, he notices a man leaning against the lamp post.

“Donghyuk?” Yunhyeong freezes when he finds himself in Donghyuk’s arms. “Dong…”

“Please. I’ll leave for good but please just let me hug you one last time.” Donghyuk cries hard on his shoulder. He could feel Yunhyeong slowly hugging him back.

They said nothing and Donghyuk has slowly calmed down.

“Thank you.” Donghyuk pulls away from the embrace.

“Stop crying already. It’s Christmas.” Yunhyeong wipes traces of tears on his cheeks. “Why…what are you doing here?”

“To see you…again…one last time.”

“Where are you going after this?”

“I don’t know yet but I guess somewhere far.” Donghyuk takes a deep breath. “I thought I could get rid you out of my mind but I can’t. I was wrong, Yunhyeong…about everything.”

“Donghyuk…”

“Please hear me. I must get this off of my chest.” Donghyuk stares deeply into his eyes.

Yunhyeong feels like slapping Donghyuk after he is done listening to him. How he wishes he could run but his feet are glued to the ground.

“How…we could have talked about this.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I feel so awful and guilty. I drove you away.”

“I thought I did something wrong, I thought I’ve hurt you in any way but we never had the chance to talk because you kept avoiding!” Yunhyeong holds his fist. He has no strength to punch Donghyuk when it looks easy in his head.

“I was wrong about everything. You are right. I avoided you…I failed to communicate. I was wrong. I’m sorry…please…” Donghyuk holds his hands.

Yunhyeong keeps quiet. He misses the man so much. He can’t lie although he is hurt. But past is past? Is it? Is he going to forgive Donghyuk this easily? But what would he gain if he hates Donghyuk? He looks at Donghyuk again. The warmth in Donghyuk’s embrace earlier and his hands make him soft.

“I’m sorry…”

“Donghyuk. Enough.” He holds Donghyuk’s hands tightly. “Look…I’m mad. Really mad. You made me feel…like…like…like I was lacking. I spent days crying and trying to figure things out.” He pauses. “You should have told me. We can talk.”

“I know…but I was stupid. I was blinded with my ego. I let you go…” Donghyuk touches his cheeks.

Midnight. The sound of tower clock steals their moment a bit.

“Yunhyeong…when you said you miss me…do you mean it?”

Yunhyeong nods. “Everyday. I miss you…everything about you. I didn’t move on. I couldn’t.”

“Me too…”

They stare at each other, allowing their eyes to speak words that they have been wanting to say for the past few months of separation. Yunhyeong presses Donghyuk’s hand on his cheeks. He loves this.

 

__I stop time and go back to you  
_ _ __I open your page in my book of memories  
_ _ __I am there inside, I am with you__

__I am with you_ _

__A very small and weak person, your love  
_ _ __Has change (all of my life)  
_ _ __Everything (all of the world)__

 

Donghyuk leans for a kiss. He thinks he is rushing but he misses Yunhyeong so much, he decides to go for it or he would regret it. The best thing to do indeed. He feels Yunhyeong’s lips against his lips as they kiss softly.

“What are we doing?” Yunhyeong just realizes he grips Donghyuk’s sweater. Guess he really misses the kiss and the man of course.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Donghyuk kisses his lips again.

“Dong…” Yunhyeong looks away. Embarrassed.

“Song Yunhyeong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I did wrong and I’m sorry. I’m sorry…please come back?”

It suddenly snows again. Both of them looks up the sky, feel each drop of snow on their palms. Distracted for a second then it brings back to the best memory; their first meet.

“Hello…I’m Yoon Dohyun”

Yunhyeong smiles shyly with Donghyuk’s attempt to sound like a kid. “I’m Song Yunhyeong.” He remembers the kid.

“And I’m Kim Donghyuk.” He kisses Yunhyeong’s hand softly.

They walk hand in hand that night, talking about the things they regret and their pent up emotions, update about themselves. Donghyuk keeps apologizing to Yunhyeong as they talk about the past and the time they are apart from each other.

“Stop.” Yunhyeong stands facing him. “Enough. Yes you were wrong and…I don’t plan to hold grudges on you or make you suffer.” He caresses his cheeks. “We both have suffered enough.”

“You are right…as always.” Donghyuk stares to the ground, sobbing quietly. “I feel guilty. Still…but I’m glad I finally told you this. I want to make it up for you.”

“Then look forward for brighter days ahead instead of trapping in the past.” Yunhyeong cups his chin. “Hmmm…Donghyuk…”

“You are too kind. Why?” Donghyuk almost chokes. He quickly wipes his tears.

“You used to tease me because I cry easily now look at you.” Yunhyeong holds his cheeks.

Donghyuk laughs. “I bet you cry more than me. This is rare for me actually. Ahhh come here!” He pulls Yunhyeong into his arms. “I love you, Song Yunhyeong.”

“I love you too, Kim Donghyuk.”

 

He was wrong. He is sorry and his love comes back to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I took about one month to write this so feel free to hate me if you are disappointed with this fic. I know it is not good but I hope you all enjoy reading this. (And those are the lyrics for Miracles in December by EXO).


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